Three More Sleeps

624.

That's my bib number for Thursday.

I like it. Nice and even.

The packet pick-up tonight was unceremoniously delightful. Went in, got my stuff, and took off. The ladies were mostly talking to themselves, which was fine by me. The shirt is pretty cool (way better than the 5k one I got in August) and there were some nice perks in the bag, not the least of which is a free tour admission to the Capital Brewery! Mitchell, you'll get one, too. Think they're open for tours Thanksgiving afternoon?

Julie just asked me if I'm getting nervous. "I think I'm just going to be nervous no matter what," I said. It's true. I think that's just the way I'm wired. Even though I got the official word that they're not going to enforce the "no iPods" rule, I'm still nervous about which headphones to use. I'm still concerned about my knees/shins, although I'm sure they'll be ok. Then I thought about the pageantry of the race and how I'm going to react as I finish, friends and family around, the culmination of three months of training...and I got embarrassed again. I have friends who just go out and run 7 or 8 miles, no big deal. People probably think I'm an idiot. "Why is he making such a big deal about it? What a drama queen. Mr. Look-at-me."

Here's the thing, though...that's how this works for me. I need to make it exciting and dramatic. If I was just running...no thank you. It's bigger than that for me. My friends Steven and Anthony (www.twogomers.com) spoke a little to this insecurity of mine in their podcast recently. Anthony was talking about how they use a phrase incorrectly and how everybody's probably laughing at them and Steven said, "If we start worrying about that, people laughing at us, we should just stop the podcast." "Actually...you're totally right," Anthony responded.

Don't get me wrong...NOBODY has said a negative word to me. Ever! It's all projection. It's in my head. So, if I cry at the end of the run and I get embarrassed, that's my own problem. I just need to own my experience, which will be different from everyone else. And that's good.

I hope that made at least an ounce of sense. The bottom-line is that I'm really going to enjoy this, nervousness and all.

Oh, and I read somewhere today that if you finish your race and you're not in some kind of pain, you didn't get your money's worth. I like that. I want to be spent when I'm done. To know I gave it everything I had. For my tank to be empty.

Time for bed.